I have watched Friends eleven times. Yes, you read that right. Eleven. And I am such a big fan that out of all the things that I could do in LA, USA, I chose an afternoon to spend at the Warner Brothers just so I could tour all my favourite sets of the show!
Each time I watched the show, I thought I was revisiting it for comfort or when I desperately needed a break much like catching up with old pals in Central Perk—but lately, I have realized it is more than just a nostalgic pick-me-up.
With every rewatch, I catch something new. Some deeper truth hidden behind the punchlines. Some boldness in the writing I missed earlier. Some quiet rebellion that the characters modeled, long before Instagram called it “living your truth.”
As a Coach and a curious observer of human behavior, I have started to view Friends through a different lens. What if this was not just a sitcom for fun, but a subtle playbook of how to break societal norms—gently, humorously, yet powerfully? This is what has been playing in my mind.
I think I know what stood out for me and after almost 20 years plus of watching it, my own life experiences perhaps resonated with the characters and their life situations.
Rachel Green: Returning to Work After Maternity Leave
Rachel did not just become a mother—she became a working mother. And she did not apologise for it. At a time when pop culture often portrayed moms as either self-sacrificing homemakers or negligent professionals, Rachel was… beautifully figuring it out – Like most of us women who have had multiple and quiet deaths of guilt each time the decision of baby vs work came up.
Her decision to return to Ralph Lauren after giving birth to Emma reflected a growing shift—women wanting (and deserving) both family and ambition.
Coaching cue: What parts of yourself have you been told you have to give up to “do the right thing”? Can you choose both? Could you choose both? How did your kids turn out? I would really like to hear this one!
Carol & Susan: The Normalization of a Lesbian Marriage
This storyline was way ahead of it’s time. There was no drama. No shame. Just two women, raising a child, navigating exes, and building a life. Ross may have fumbled his way through acceptance, but the narrative treated their love as normal. Valid. Unremarkably remarkable. The show did add the fun bit of acceptance when Phoebe during the wedding says “the spirit of the old woman left her since she had now seen it all!”
Coaching cue: What parts of others are you still “tolerating” instead of accepting? What biases do you need to unlearn? Are you aware of your unconscious biases?
Phoebe as a Surrogate
Phoebe’s decision to carry her brother’s triplets was outrageous—and heartwarming. She was not the “typical” maternal figure, but her love, boundaries, and goofy rituals (remember the conversations with her belly?) expanded the definition of family. She is my favourite character out of all. Her love is limitless, unbiased and she can love a tree, a rat and even her bicycle with the same amount as she does her friends. Her quirks take the show to another hilarious level.
Coaching cue: How do you define love and service? Is it time to rewrite that definition? What have you done unconditionally towards someone you love or better even a stranger?
Chandler’s Bold Career “Pivot” (I just cannot let go of this word!)
From statistical analysis and data reconfiguration (whatever that was!) to a fulfilling role in advertising, Chandler’s mid-career shift showed us it is never too late to start over. Even if it is scary. Even if no one understands. Even if you have to be the joke for a while. He did it to be close to who matters most in his life.
Coaching cue: What would you do if you were not worried about looking foolish?
Ross’s Passion for Paleontology
In a world chasing corporate careers, Ross chased dinosaurs. Remember how he was rushing through the city to get from one class to the other to teach all about dinosaurs? He was mocked for it—often by his friends—but he stuck to what lit him up. Passion does not always need validation; sometimes it just needs space.
Coaching cue: Are you honouring your calling, even if it does not come with claps?
Monica’s Obsessive Cleanliness
We laughed at her compulsions, but let us not forget—Monica turned her “OCD tendencies” into a career. She was a sought-after chef, an incredible host, and the glue that held the group together. The very thing that made her “too much” was also her magic. Her need to win and be best at everything was quintessentially so “Monica”
Coaching cue: What trait have you been shamed for that might actually be your gift?
Joey’s Learning Curve
He was never the sharpest one of them. He is my second favourite – all because he was very genuine. He could never pull off a lie (He had to take lessons from Phoebe!). He was deeply kind, emotionally available, and unashamed of asking questions. Joey may not have been “book smart,” but he was love smart. Friendship smart. And is that not what we all need more of?
Coaching cue: Are you measuring yourself by someone else’s ruler? Do you own yourself?
Breaking Norms—One Episode at a Time
Friends broke rules without shouting from rooftops. That is perhaps what made it revolutionary—it did not preach, it simply portrayed. And in doing so, it gave millions of us permission to be imperfect, messy, and different.
As a Coach, I often meet people struggling with the pressure to conform. And sometimes, what helps is not a framework or a plan—but a reminder that someone else lived outside the lines, and still thrived.
So maybe the next time you rewatch Friends, do it with a notebook nearby. Because under all the laughter are tiny truths waiting to be seen—and perhaps, lived.
What norm are you ready to break?
Let us talk about it—maybe not at Central Perk, but over a virtual coffee? “I KNOW”