The Side Of Caregiving No One Talks About

Caregiving is often seen as a quiet act of devotion — something we take on out of love, duty, or simply because there’s no one else to do it. But behind the curtain of selflessness is a world of exhaustion, emotional overwhelm, and moments when you wonder if you’re even doing it right.

Over the years, I have walked this path many times — caring for both sets of parents. I have held space for my mother through severe panic attacks, accompanied my father-in-law and and father through their cancer journeys, and now, it is my mother-in-law’s Alzheimer’s that shapes our everyday life. My recent care giving duties brought back every memory and every emotion that I have felt individually while having to care for each of my parents. Each experience has left its mark, but more than anything, they have shown me how invisible and all-consuming caregiving can be.

What makes it harder is that even when caregiving is done within a family, the mental and emotional load adds to the many many list of things that need to be get done. There is always the feeling of anticipating the next doctor visit, managing medication schedules, coordinating with attendants, and dealing with unpredictable episodes. And when the mind stays in this constant state of alert and vigilance, rest feels like a distant idea. I never realised this when I was in the midst of “doing it all”, till my therapist gently showed it to me.

This post is about sharing some ideas that may help you if you are a care giver yourself. Tips that I realised during therapy and I bring to you as a professional Coach.

One thing that has helped — in a big way — is having trained attendants and support staff as part of the caregiving structure. These are people who do this work every single day. They bring experience, calmness in crisis, and a kind of emotional steadiness that often gets frayed in family caregivers. In our case, working with dedicated care staff has made it possible to build a rhythm, even when the situation feels anything but stable.

India is slowly warming up to the idea of outsourcing caregiving, but it is still a largely unstructured space. Quality varies, systems are fragmented, and finding the right support — people who are both skilled and compassionate — can be a challenge. But when it works, it changes everything. You go from firefighting to having a plan. From constant chaos to some degree of predictability.

I have leaned on a few practices that have helped me hold space for others while not losing myself in the process.

• Talk to people who are going through something similar: There’s a quiet relief in not having to explain everything. And you will be surprised how many of us go through this silently.
• Let yourself step away, even briefly: A 10-minute walk, a solo cup of tea, or a few pages of a book can act as small anchors.
• Create a care rhythm: Structure helps, especially when it includes attendants or external help. But also be okay with the messiness of it all.
• Ask for help and receive it: Whether it is extended family, neighbors, or professionals — people may not offer unless you ask. But that does not mean they do not want to.
• Be honest with yourself: Journaling, therapy, or just talking to a trusted friend can give your inner world the space it needs.
• Let go of the guilt: It shows up often — and it lies. Wanting rest or space does not make you less loving.

One of the most powerful things I have learned and am still learning is the idea of empathetic boundaries — the ability to care deeply without losing yourself completely. To hold someone through their difficult moments without crumbling. To say “I need a moment” and know that it is okay.

Caregiving is not about being endlessly available. It is about being present — with intention and compassion — and that includes compassion for yourself.

If you are walking this road right now, my therapist has taught me a few gems: it is okay to be tired. It is okay to want help. And it is okay to put yourself in the frame too.

Because no matter how much care you offer someone else, you deserve care too.