Picture this –
- You are diabetic, and the meeting stretches far beyond your lunch time. It’s critical. You need to eat but stepping out feels… wrong.
- You are a mid-level female manager in the middle of a critical meeting and suddenly you can not hold your bladder anymore. You shift in your seat, hoping no one notices, wishing you could just excuse yourself.
- You are perimenopausal and a sudden hot flash hits you while auditors sit across the table. You lead this function. You can not walk out. You can not even fan yourself without drawing attention.
- It is your fasting day. No one knows. There is an office lunch. People insist saying “Come on, just have a bite!” You smile, deflect, feel seen and unseen at the same time.
- You are on a time-sensitive medication. Your pill is in your bag. The Board meeting is in full swing. Reaching for water feels like breaking an unspoken rule.
- You have recently joined back from your maternity leave and need to pump the breast milk on time else it becomes very difficult. You are traveling with a co-worker to another location.
Pause for a second. What would you do? What have you done and if you have ever chosen what you did, was it from a place of just doing it as a natural way forward or because despite the guilt, you could not wait anymore.
These are not dramatic workplace crises. These are everyday, deeply human moments.
And yet they are filled with discomfort and to be honest, even when you read them, they do not seem to be something that you have not experienced sometime in your work life,
The Problem in hand
Somewhere along the way, I feel we equated professionalism with suppression. Things like – don’t interrupt, don’t inconvenience, don’t show discomfort.
So people sit through pain, hunger, heat, anxiety, and biological needs. Why? My take is because the room does not feel like it can hold humanity.
The real question is not: Why did they not speak up?
The real question is: Why did the room not make it easy for them to?
How Is Empathy Shown?
While learning how to be empathetic (yes! We can learn it!), we often reduce it to mere questioning like “How are you feeling?” Is that all? Empathy, anywhere, and more so in workplaces shows up far more powerfully if it is in the unsaid, the subtle, the almost invisible. Something like :
- A leader reads the room, pauses and says, “Let’s take a quick break.”
- Someone notices restlessness and offers, “Feel free to step out if needed.”
- A culture where picking up your water bottle or stepping away is not interpreted as disrespect.
- An environment where people do not have to explain their bodies, beliefs, or boundaries.
The Cost of this kind of missing Empathy
When these moments are ignored because of no one’s fault really, I would say people feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Yes, unsafe not in a dramatic manner but when self conversations start looking like “I have to manage myself here, more than my work.” or “I cannot be human and professional at the same time.” Imagine over time, how this would affect them!
So What Makes a Workplace Safe?
Building culture is not just with policies and posters or value statements. It is built when:
- People can excuse themselves without over-explaining
- Leaders read the room not just the agenda
- Small needs are normalized, not negotiated
- Discomfort does not have to become visible to be valid
Safety always lives in such micro-moments and now the question comes is, are we as leaders trying or are aware that such moments can be created.
Time for Self-Awareness To Step In
Empathy begins with awareness but not just of others. It has to begin with self awareness. It is the very foundation of empathy and I also have to say that no one can ever be fully and completely self aware. It is always a work in progress. How about asking yourselves questions like – “Am I able to read human signals?” of “Am I able to see the discomfort of my people?” or “Is the outcome more important to me or being human to the ones responsible for the outcome?”
Leaders have to wire their brains to understand that authority is not just about direction or business results but also about sensitivity.
And This Is Where Coaching Matters
In many ways, these nuances are not taught in training forums as learned skills but slowly uncovered in the self.
This is where coaching becomes powerful.
When one is asked the right question, Coaching builds:
- The ability to pause and observe, not just react
- The sensitivity to read what is not being said.
- The courage to shift from control to consideration.
- The awareness that leadership is experienced in moments and not declarations
Let us be honest, no one teaches you to notice a restless leg, a distracted glance, or a forced smile. But once you start seeing it, you cannot unsee it.
A Final Thought
Empathy is not a grand gesture. It is a deeply wired, conditioned, way of living. It can show up as a well-timed pause, a simple acknowledgment or even an unspoken permission. And the best part is, if you work on it, empathy is a learnt skill. That is why the earlier you start, the better it is and the best time to begin is right now!
*All of the above situations are lived experiences of people I know and of myself.